The Church of Scooby Doo
The Church of Scooby Doo
Our Church, which is young but strong, worships Scooby Doo as the One True Emissary of Our Lord on Earth. Below you will find our Mission Statement, our Scooby Bible, a few words from the Pope, and links to other websites that have information about Scooby Doo. Please note that these other websites may not follow the Teachings of the One True Church, yet our religious scholars believe that they still have valuable information about Scooby Doo.
Mission Statement
We of the Church of Scooby Doo believe that, while The Lord and Father sent his only son Jesus Christ to Earth in the year 4 BC, that we have been waiting until now to receive the most True and Holy of his Emissaries. Nearly two thousand years later, we believe that the Lord has sent a wondrous, mythological figure, whom we know about only by legend, and by the Holy Works of Hanna-Barbara, whose monks toiled laboriously during the Seventies and Early Eighties to bring forth their true vision of who Scooby Doo really was, and what he meant to the world. We believe that the original television program Scooby Doo Where Are You was divinely inspired, and reflects the true vision of Scooby Doo and his mission for humanity.
We believe in the Holy Trinity of the Father, the Son, and the Scooby Doo. Only by worshipping all three together will we be able to earn our just reward in Heaven and ride the Great Mystery Machine in the sky.
The Scooby Bible
English text, as written by Pope Jeremy Reimer I in the Year of Our Lord 1999.
The Scooby Bible
Old Testament
Genesis I
1. In the Beginning, there was Light. And did the Universe come forth in blaze of quantum glory. And God saw this and said that it was Good. And did the galaxies, and the stars, and the planets form. And God saw this and said that it was Good. And did the planet Earth form, and cool, and become barren rock.
2. And God saw this, and smiled. And he did smile upon the Earth, yea, and upon the giant meteors that did bombard it ceaselessly.
3. And God saw that the Earth had cooled, and that it was safe for Life to Arise.
Genesis II
1. And did our Lord God smile, and did the Lightning flow forth, and the amino acids form.
2. And did the maelstrom continue, yea, and did the countless proto-DNA creatures swim solidly in the Primeval Muck.
3. And did the One True Genetic Molecule arise, and it was Blessed by Our Lord, as the Genetic Code that would describe all of His Creations.
Darwin I
1. And did the DNA rise mightily above the other self-replicating molecules. Yea, for it was the Blessed Molecule. And did the DNA mate with other DNA to become stronger.
2. And did the DNA find a Shell to live in.
3. And this Shell was named the Cell Wall, and thus was formed the Proto-Nucleus.
4. And the Proto-Nucleus, with the One True Molecule inside, did dominate, and did go forth and multiply, and was Blessed by God to be Master of All Earth.
Darwin II
5. Yea verily, said Our Lord, I have brought forth the Bacterium. And God saw that it was Good.
6. And did the Bacterium, now and for All Time, come to cover the Blessed Earth.
7. And did the Blue-Green Algae find a way to suck the Carbon Dioxide as the Breath of Life, and yea, did it not produce the Great Gas Oxygen to cover the Earth, and to Protect the Blessed Earth with Ozone.
8. And did the Animalcules evolve, yea, and were they Blessed over the Plants, for they could eat them, and they could Breathe the Great Gas.
9. And did the Single Celled Animals spring forth upon Our World.
Darwin III
1. And did God say: I shall bring forth the Cambrian Explosion, and did Suddenly all numbers of animals spring forth upon Our World.
2. And did the Fishes, and the Squids, and the Sharks, and the Nautilus, and the Sea Urchin, and the Trilobite, and the Lamprey, and all the others come forth, and God saw that it was Good.
3. And did the Amphibians and the Insects walk out of the Holy Waters of Our Earth, and saw the barren land before them. And God said: This Land shall be yours. You shall own it for All Eternity.
4. And God said to His Amphibians, Thou shalt always be tied to the Holy Waters, and yea, shall ye always returneth there to spawn.
5. And to the Reptiles, God said: Thou shalt evolve a Holy Shell to protect your Egg, and thou shalt evolve the Penis, so that thou mayest Impregnate the Females without having to return to the Holy Waters.
6. And did God bring forth the Dinosaurs, who did march terribly upon This Earth, and did they bring thunderous cries to the Ancient Jungles.
Darwin IV
1. But the Dinosaurs were too proud, and did Our Lord shake His head, and decide to Smite them.
2. And did not our Lord send a giant comet to Impact the Holy Earth, and did not Our Planet become darkened for many years? Yea, though it did change the Climate, and plunged Our World into decades of Winter.
3. And God saw that the Dinosaurs were extinct, and that it was Good.
4. And yet, did our Lord not show mercy to the Dinosaurs? Did he not say to the Pterosaur: yea, thou shalt escape My wrath, and thou shall evolve feathers, and become Birds, and sing merry songs to worship Me for all time.
5. And to the Mammals, did God say: Thou art ready to become the True Image of my Divine Being. And thou shalt grow fur, and suckle your young, and incubate them in your bodies instead of laying Eggs, and thou shalt be Warm-Blooded.
6. And did the Mammals go forth to Inherit Our World.
Darwin V
1. And Blessed were the Mammals, for they had Larger Brains, and did care for their Young with great gentleness and kind.
2. And Blessed were the proto-monkeys, who did Live amongst the Trees of life, and did evolve from the Shrews.
3. And Blessed were the monkeys and the apes, who did develop the Largest and Most Holy of Brains.
4. And Blessed were the proto-humans, who came down from the Trees and did Walk among the Giants of the Plains.
5. And did the Humans arise, and did they exterminate all inferior species that were close to them. Yea, did they verily smite the Australopithicans, and did they also defeat the Neanderthals.
6. And when Humankind had dominated all other Animals, and all other Proto-Humans, did God Bless them and Speak to Them.
7. And did Our Ancestors tell Stories, and Worship God, and invent Writing, to better glorify God, and invent cities and cathedrals and civilization to praise Him. And God saw this and said that it was Good.
Romans I
1. Yea, did not the Tigris and the Euphrates hold the Cradle of Civilization?
2. And did not the Egyptians and the Indians built great cities on their river plains?
3. And did Humankind not spread to all the Continents on our Great Planet?
Romans II
4. And when the Greek civilization did fall, did not the Romans, with their Holy Weapons and Holy Training, come to dominate all cultures in Europe and parts of Asia?
5. And did the Romans not build Great Walls, and Great Cities, and Great Roads?
6. Yea, did the Romans even invent Coliseums for their own Pleasure, and did they not throw the Christians to the Lions for their sport?
7. And did the Romans not bring Law, and Civilization, and Public Baths to all the tribes they conquered?
Romans III
1. And did not the Emperor of Rome convert to Christianity on his deathbed, and did not all the Emperors to come profess to be Christians also?
2. Yea verily, it was so. And did Christianity become the Official Religion of Rome.
3. And did the Romans not now learn peace, and social welfare, and the betterment of Their Souls?
4. Did the Lord God not smile, and give their civilization two centuries of Peace?
Romans IV
1. But alas, it could not last forever. Did not the Barbarians invade and sack Rome? Did not the Germanic Hordes defeat the Roman Legions in the Black Forest?
2. And God did frown, for the Roman civilization collapsed in the West.
3. But He was sure that Rome and the Church would survive. And so began the Middle Ages.
4. And did His Monks write down their knowledge of history and their tales in order to Glorify Him.
5. And did they not also write of the Son, the one named Jesus Christ?
6. Yea verily, for they knew much of His teachings, and were determined to spread His Word.
Romans V
1. And was not the seat of the Church in Rome, and did it not stay in Rome?
2. And did the Catholic Church not become rich and powerful?
3. And when the other nations saw that they had little wealth and little power, did they not want to be free from Rome?
4. Yea verily, did then the Church split into Catholic and Protestant. And God did frown.
5. And England did become Anglican, while Ireland continued to be split.
6. And did England, bearing the Red Cross of St. George, go on to create the biggest Empire the World had ever seen, and did they not bring peace, law, justice, education, roads, medicine and British Culture to the world? Yea, they did even bring their Strange and Mysterious Sporting Events.
The New Testament
The Gospel According to Fred
Fred I
1. And did Fred come upon This World. And he was a Strong Boy, and did have the Hair of Blonde.
2. And Fred was strong, and had Great Courage.
3. And Fred did say: Let’s see if we can solve this mystery together.
4. And the Gang did rejoice, for they had found Their Leader.
Fred II
1. Fred did find Daphne to be very attractive.
2. Fred did own the Van, and named it the Mystery Machine.
3. Fred did become the Leader of the Gang, and did plan many Traps for their enemies.
Fred III
1. And Fred did wear the Great Scarf, which Daphne found to be very attractive
2. And Fred did enjoy the company of Scooby Doo, and did laugh with him, yea verily, did indeed he find that Bond with Our Lord through his Emissary, Scooby Doo.
3. And did Fred say to Scooby: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?
4. And the Scooby Doo did laugh, and did agree with The Leader Fred. And he indeed would do anything for a Scooby Snack.
5. And Fred did find Scooby Doo to be Strong, and Blessed with Mysterious Powers.
6. And Fred did say: Scooby Doo where are you?
7. And did Scooby Doo laugh, and say: Eee Hee Hee Hee Heee.
8. And Fred was Wise, and he was Good.
9. And did Fred and Daphne have a Special Relationship.
10. And Scooby Doo saw this, and saw that it was Good.
The Gospel According to Shaggy
Shaggy I
1. And was Shaggy born as Norville Rogers, a tall and lanky boy.
2. And did Shaggy purchase a pet Dog, who was named Scooby Doo.
3. And did Shaggy find that Scooby Doo was no ordinary Dog, nay, that he was a Holy Dog with Mysterious Powers.
Shaggy II
1. And did Shaggy find Fred, and ask to join His Gang.
2. And Fred was Wise, and saw the Scooby Doo was a Holy Dog with Mysterious Powers.
3. And thus was Shaggy accepted into the Gang, for Shaggy and Scooby were inseparable.
Shaggy III
1. And did Shaggy and Scooby form a Special Bond.
2. And did Shaggy say: Zoinks!
3. And The Scooby did laugh, for he too enjoyed a Scooby Snack.
4. And the Scooby Snack was enjoyed by Shaggy as well.
5. And though Shaggy was often afraid, Scooby Doo would hold him, and console him.
6. And even in their Darkest Hours, Shaggy and Scooby would still laugh together.
7. And did Scooby Doo hold his paw to his mouth, and Shush Shaggy.
8. For Shaggy was Wise, but he was also Afraid.
9. And Scooby did Comfort him.
10. And did Scooby teach him one of his Mysterious Ways, so that he could enter any Door, and leave any Other Door.
11. And did Scooby teach him the Way of Jumping into a Chest of Drawers, and the Way of Emerging from Another Drawer.
12. And did Scooby teach Shaggy how to Hide.
The Gospel According to Velma
Velma I
1. Yea verily, Velma was born, and the Gods did rejoice.
2. For Velma was smart, and Velma was funny.
3. And Velma was eagerly accepted by Fred into The Gang.
Velma II
1. Verily, didst Velma say: what a piece of work is Scooby Doo! In form, how like a mountain lion, in action, how like a God!
2. And Velma did compare Scooby Doo to God, and Scooby just smiled.
3. And Velma said: Yea, for this Dog must be Blessed of God, for he can Speak our Tongue as no other Dog can.
4. And Scooby Doo did laugh.
5. And Velma said: Yea, is not Dog simply God Spelt Backwards?
6. And Scooby Doo did say: Eee Hee Hee Hee Heeee.
7. And Velma said: Yea, does Scooby Doo not possess Godly Strength?
8. And the Gang did agree, for Scooby had saved them on many an occasion with his Strength.
9. And Velma said: Yea, does Scooby not Possess Mysterious Godly Powers?
10. And Scooby did laugh, and jump into a Chest of Drawers, and reappear in Another Drawer as if by Magic.
11. And Velma said: Yea verily, for Scooby Doo must be as God, for none other than one who is in the Image of God could have such Powers.
12. And the Gang did agree, Scooby Doo was as God.
Velma III
1. Verily, did Velma lose her glasses.
2. And she had to find them again, with the help of Shaggy and Scooby.
Velma IV
1. Did Velma not solve the Crimes, so that the Gang could be free, and so that the Towne be rid of criminals?
2. Yea, but Velma did not take credit for solving the Crimes.
3. For Velma was Good.
The Gospel According to Daphne
Daphne I
1. Yea, the Lord God did smile upon Daphne, and he made her a beautiful baby girl, with lovely red hair.
2. And Daphne’s parents knew that they were Blessed.
3. And verily, did they give Daphne much of their Money, so that she could go and do Great Works with her Gang and with the Holy Scooby Doo.
Daphne II
1. And did Daphne have such long, lovely legs, such that Fred could not resist her charms.
2. And did Daphne wear a scarf, that made her even more attractive.
3. Yea verily, for Daphne was sweet and loving, and took the form of a Goddess.
Daphne III
1. And it came to pass that Daphne was caught in a Trap Door, and Scooby Doo had to save her.
2. And it came to pass that Daphne was caught by the Monster, and Scooby Doo had to save her.
3. And it came to pass that Daphne did accidentally foil Fred’s plan to trap the Monster.
4. And Daphne did say: Jeepers!
Daphne IV
1. And it was well-knowne to all, that Daphne did love Fred, yet she did not show it openly.
2. And it was also well-knowne to all, that Daphne did love and worship Scooby Doo as a God on Earth.
3. And Scooby Doo was happy, and did smile.
Modern Works
The Scooby Doo Show
1. And it came to pass that the monks at Hanna-Barbara grew weary of their toil, and did stop production on Scooby Doo Where Are You?
2. And it came to pass that many followers of the Church of Scooby Doo did ask: What else did Scooby Doo say? What else can I learn from His teachings?
3. And it came to pass that a new program was created, the Scooby Doo show, yet with fewer of the Disciples of the Gang.
The New Scooby Doo Movies
1. And it came to pass that the common people yearned for the Wisdom of the Scooby Doo again.
2. And it came to pass that television movies were made about the tales of His Life.
The Anti-Scooby and the Day of Reckoning
1. But the people did forget about the true meaning of the Scooby Doo, and they did lust after money.
2. And their greed caused them to be fooled by the Anti-Scooby.
3. Yea, and the Anti-Scooby’s name was Scrappy Doo, and he was small and annoying, and did make many people hate him.
4. And yet the Anti-Scooby did convince the weaker townfolke to worship him as a False God.
5. And the Scooby Doo was sad, and he did say: Rorwr! Rif rou rollow Rappy Roo, rou RILL ro ro RELL!
6. And the meaning was clear.
7. For on the Day of Reckoning, shall the Anti-Scooby come down and briefly Reign upon this Earth.
8. And at the end of his Evil Reign, shall all the Souls who followed him, be called to Rell for Eternal Torment.
9. And those who followed the One True Scooby, yea verily, shall they Rule Eternally in Reaven forever, and shall the Great Mystery Machine in the Sky take their Souls to Eternal Peace.
False Prophets
1. And did the Wise and All Powerful Scooby Doo tell us: Reware rof rhe RALSE RHOPHETS!
2. And was his meaning clear.
3. Verily, thou shalt not follow the Anti-Scooby, but thou shalt also not follow any other False Prophet.
4. And the False Prophets do include Scooby Dum, and a Pup named Scooby Doo.
5. Verily, for they art False Gods, and are desecrations to the image of the One True Scooby.
6. And those who follow the False Prophets shall prepare for Eternal Torment in Rell.
Papal Address from Pope Jeremy Patrick Reimer I, Wednesday, March 31, in the Year of Our Lord 1999.
Friends, and Seekers of the Great Way of the Scooby Doo!
I come to tell you that all is well for Our Church, and that despite the gains made by the False Prophets, the vision of the One True Scooby is still seen on millions of television sets every day.
Today I would like to discuss my favorite topic with you: what did the Scooby Doo want for Humanity, and how should we Follow his Example?
I believe that Scooby Doo did come forth to Shine His Light upon our World for a purpose. I believe that He did want Us to be Happy, as He was.
Look at how The Scooby did Shine upon this Earth. Did he not laugh, and giggle, and cavort? Did he not enjoy the pleasure of a Scooby Snack?
Yet I can hear you asking me: Should I also be trapped by Earthly Pleasures as Scooby was?
I can tell you that Scooby Doo would never allow the pleasures of a Scooby Snack to interfere with his Mission on Earth. He would only use the Scooby Snack as a reward, as a way to pay himself for his hard work in solving crimes.
Scooby taught us that one can laugh, and giggle, and enjoy our life, but that the Mission comes first. Whether it is solving crimes or beating the Monster, we all have a purpose in this world. And we should pursue this mission with utmost determination and a willingness to see it through, for the sake of the Gang, for the sake of ourselves, and for the glory of Scooby. For only when the Monster is unmasked, when the criminals have all been caught, can we enjoy a Scooby Snack as our reward for a job well done.
I leave you today with this image, believed to be have drawn by one of the lucky souls who had actually met Scooby Doo during his brief Reign on this Earth. And we can see here how happy and playful and gentle creature He was. Stronger than any Dog, yet smarter than any Cat, He was truly a God on Earth. I wish you and yours all the best and may the Lord shine upon you all.
This is the Official Site of the Pope of the Church of Scooby Doo. I have put much information that will help the Seekers in their quest.
Here is a site that offers a plethora of information on the Old Scooby Scrolls, and the Original Series. Non-denominational.
Here is a site that offers an insight into how Scooby Doo can apply to Generation X, and how much He has to teach Us. Also non-denominational.
This site has many many pictures of The Gang and of Scooby Doo Himself.
http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~ai251/Scooby.html